The fairy tale you dreamed of ended with a not-so-happily-ever-after. It happens to the best of us more often than not. I never imagined getting divorced and having my children be those kids that go back and forth between houses. Games are supposed to be fun. But, this is a game of ping pong that’s never fun to play for anyone – especially the kids. But here I am 11 years later, still playing the game. I’m talking about co-parenting. Divorce is difficult enough, but when kids are part of the picture, co-parenting become something you’re forced to do. And let me tell you . . . it’s not easy.
Divorce is ugly. It’s sad, messy and full of every negative emotion you can possibly think of. I’m sure there are some people who get divorced amicably. But, even then, if kids are involved – it’s never easy for them. 11 years later It still breaks my heart having my kids live between two houses, go on separate vacations, share holidays and navigate special occasions with blended families. It’s the new normal for my family and I’ve done my best to make the “new normal” – normal.
From day one, I made a conscious effort to put my kid’s best interest before anything else. With my divorce, there was a lot of heartache and bitterness. It wasn’t easy to put my best foot forward at times – but I always chose my kids well-being over my own. You have to be selfless – 110% selfless all the time. You have to push through the hurt and think of the mental-health of the children. You have to think of your kids happiness, over your own.
You’ll want to bash their dad, cry, fight and tell them all the horrible stories. You will. But, if you want to see your kids grow up without scars from living in the shadows of their parent’s issues, you won’t do any of those things. You’ll do better. Their happiness is what will make you happy in the long run. Promise.
Here is what healthy co-parenting looks like for me: