The day I graduated from college was extraordinary, to say the least. It was the most beautiful day on the most beautiful campus and to top it off, I got engaged. Yes, the day I received my college diploma, was the same day I had a diamond ring placed on my finger. A huge banner unrolled from one of the main buildings of campus with colorful confetti, as students, friends and cameras surrounded us, capturing this surprising and most amazing moment. My future was looking bright.
I was 22 on that most-memorable day and I was already a fiancée. Just a few months later, we began our lives together in a cute, Charlotte apartment and a year from then we were married. High school and college friends, as well, as friends and family came to celebrate our special day. Guests talked about our wedding for years – it was quite the celebration and one that made the biggest and best impression. It was a party!
From a two bedroom apartment to a small house and one baby – just three years later, we were playing the game of house. Graduation, engagement, marriage, babies – we did it all in perfect order, just how it is supposed to be. Fast forward through the years where we moved to a bigger house, had four children in all and a 14 year marriage. A real success story to many . . . until it wasn’t at all anymore.
At 36 we were going through a divorce. Right after the birth of our fourth baby, our marriage crumbled to pieces due to infidelity on his part. It was ugly and I saw sides of both of us that I never in a million years saw coming. It was the worst time of my life and I am so thankful today to say that I got through it. Not only did I get through it, I learned so much during the whole miserable experience.
Looking back, there are so many things that really stand out to me now. We were so young when we got engaged and married. My oldest son is almost the same age that we were back then and I can not imagine him getting married any time soon. We were “playing house” together, when we should have been taking that time to grow, learn, explore and “play” – individually.
We went from dating, partying and enjoying college life to “adulting” within a matter of months. There was no grace period and no time to ease in to doing all the thing real adults do. In fact, we had no clue what we were doing and we were learning the ropes by leaning on each other every single day.
Do I have regrets? I actually don’t. We have four amazing kids and they make every mistake and heartbreak worth it. When I look at them and see what incredible humans they are, I know my life took the path it was supposed to take. With that said, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t advise others to slow down and take time enjoying life. I also think the story may have ended differently if we didn’t rush full speed ahead in to the real world, and took those necessary baby steps, first.
Now that I am almost 50, I see how different I was in my 20s and how I grew so much more in my 30s and 40s. When you are 20-something you are still so young, immature and have no clue about life and all the twists and turns that take place. Your 20s are a time to figure out what you want and who you want to do them with. It’s your trial and error period. It’s the best time to fall down over and over again, so you can get back up and try it again, but differently.