What You Need To Know & Do Now If He Says He’s Leaving

The words you never expected to come out of his mouth, just did. He says he’s leaving and wants out of the marriage and now you are caught completely off guard – being left with confusion, sadness and an unbelievable amount of questions. Why? What now? How could he leave after all of these years together? There are things you need to know and will want to know – now.

It’s killing you to know the answers to all those questions and soon enough, you will. Well, I say that . . . but honestly, you may never know the whys and hows. And, as hard as it is to let go of those thoughts, questions and feelings – you need to shelf them for a bit. It’s time to get in survival mode.

I’ve discussed in another post about what to do when he wants a divorce, but this one focuses on some of the nitty gritty details. It will also share some hard truths that you may not believe right now or even see coming. Trust me when I say, I am very familiar with this. He will say and do things you never imagined him doing.

Let’s get straight to the point. The man you thought you knew is probably going to change – drastically. The love you once saw is going to turn cold and icy. I say that so it doesn’t come to a complete surprise when he starts treating you like a total stranger. Worse yet, he’ll start doing things and acting in a way that seems very out of character for him. It happens to the best of us and it’s awful.

After years and years of being together, he’s leaving. That life you got used to is coming to an end and it’s time to start thinking of YOUR new beginning. It begins now and you need to do things to protect yourself and your future. Don’t get so caught up in your emotions that you forget about the big picture. Trust me when I say, he’s taking care of himself and setting himself up for post-marital success.

1. He’ll start blaming you for why he’s leaving.
2. He may start moving money & closing accounts.
3. He’ll become distant, robotic and cold.
4. He’ll start going out more.
5. He will encourage mediation and discourage you from getting an attorney.
6. HE WILL start contacting attorneys without you knowing.
7. He will lie.
8. He will act hateful and as if you are now the enemy.
9. He will go from hot to cold and play head games.
10. He will play nice when he wants information or something from you.

1. Get in boss mode.
2. Lean on friends and family you can trust.
3. Change your all passwords, including your Apple ID.
4. Do not leave anything around that you wouldn’t want him seeing.
5. Research and contact an attorney to represent you, even if you are using a mediator.
6. Make a list of pre-marital and marital assets within the home.
7. Start listing all of your current expenses – everything.
8. Take money out of a joint account and open your own account in a different bank for a cushion & protection.
9. Start keeping track of when he changed, concerning things he has said, affairs, money being moved and anything else out of the ordinary.
10. Consider hiring a private investigator if infidelity is a concern.
11. Print out three months of balances from all accounts including savings & credit card accounts.
12. Get organized. The more preliminary work you do, the less the attorney needs to do.
13. Keep communication to a minimum and communicate through texts and emails only.
14. Do not put anything in writing you would not want a judge to see.
15. Do not threaten or use explicit language